Posts Tagged ‘addiction’

As I am writing, I thought to take a break, get a glass of soda and I automatically reached for my pack of cigarettes and lit one up. Not doing so well, but remember its the last pack.

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The next few post will  follow my attempt to quit Smoking. Most of my late youth and adult life found me smoking daily. Now its time to stop!   

Cigarettes were always available, too available.  Before I begin, a count down to the day I stop, I must  tell you the story of how I began smoking. 

A sort of countdown is  necessary.  At this very moment I have one pack of cigarettes and hardly any money to buy.  In my neighborhood, cigarettes can cost anywhere between $12.75, $11.75, $11.50 to $8.00.  If I am lucky, I will buy the latter, yielding the greatest discount.   

I love long journeys.  A long bus ride to Chicago, California or Texas is one of  the greatest enjoyment of travelling.  Well, as a youngster, I didn’t go on many family outings.  We went to PA a few times, travelling by car and I think I enjoyed the long  journey. 

Riding in cars,  when I was young, were great experiences.   I enjoyed leaving my home to go anywhere.  It was the smoking that went on during the actual car ride that annoyed and bothered me.  My aunt smoked and smoked in the car, so on most trips  In the car with the windows closed, without fresh air, I  practically suffocated from cigarette smoke.   Today, they consider this “second-hand smoke.  

 I believe I was one of the first human being to  feel the effects of second-hand smoke.  I  hated sitting in the back of the car, unable to open the windows to let out the smoke.  My aunt would actually become annoyed  if I tried to open the windows.  Sometimes, she would try to hit me for opening a window.  That was my second Smoking encounter.  My mom smoked, so I am sure I experienced second-hand smoke escapades.  I just  don’t recall the harsh effects of her smoking.  She wasn’t home much.  She was building and operating  her business (cab stand). 

 My mother’s smoking was my first encounter with smoking.

The third encounter which lead to a life-time of smoking  was ” The found Cigarettes.” 

 I found my mother’s very  last pack of cigarettes she had planned to smoke, but never got the chance.  she had purchased  a pack of cigarettes her very last night on this earth.  You see, my mother, “murdered” because of Alcohol, cigarettes and adultery.   

Murdered by her employee one night in 1966, March 17, she had her last  pack of cigarettes  in her pocketbook  on the night she died.  Her sister, my aunt wrapped the cigarettes in a hankie, placing the cigarettes in hankie, in the dresser of draws, in my mother’s bedroom.  

Her Death:

 My mother had  played Bingo earlier this evening, realizing she didn’t have her car registration, she panic knowing she  loaned her car to one of the cab drivers, she panicked.  My mother called her brother-in-law to help her find the cab driver.  Her  brother- in law,  working at the cab stand, picked my mother up from home.  Together they searched the immediate area until they found the driver who had someone in the car, drinking and smoking all of which annoyed my mom or perhaps it was jealousy.  

 The story was told to me this way:

After she and my uncle located her car, the driver attempted to explain why he wasn’t working and why he was sitting in the car on Supthin boulevard, in front of Kitchen corners, a neighborhood bar with a women in her car. 

An argument ensued.  There was screaming and yelling.  Foul language uttered.  A scuffle broke out between my mom and the driver, her boyfriend at the time. 

 My father died in July 1963. 

I don’t remember my mother ever being with anyone other than my father.  Except one night, my mom had gentlemen company.  When my mom had company or gave a party, her attention, divided, accordance loaned itself to my desires.  I could have the candy she guarded close at other times.  It was the milk chocolate, Nestle candy bar that made me  remember her entertaining male company.  It was innocent at that time.   I never saw him again.  He was  accused of killing my mom, or inducing the  heart attack that took her life.

The “found” pack of Camels:

Second-hand smoke works strangely.  One would think a murder,  exposure to second-hand smoke, warnings from the Surgeon General would advert a smoking habit.   This behavior demonstrates mental retardation.

Home alone:

I searched through my mothers dresser of draws, frantically like I had lost something.  I always wanted more information about the death of my mother.  A reason explaining why “the Man” responsible for inducing her heart attack never spent one day in jail.  Had society lost its mental capacity to arrest this man for killing my mom.  Instead of find an explanation, I found cigarettes, and I stole them out of the draw, smoking every last one.  

  I smoked, sporadically until I reached the age of 13.  At  the age of 13, I learned I had a habit.  Imagine, at the tender age of 13, I had a full-fledged Cigarette habit with a discriminating taste for a particular cigarette brand.   

Powers That Be

This is my last chance to Quit.  The decision to stop, made  for me by the Cigarettes manufacturers.  No longer able to afford to smokes helps with the decision to stop.  Before Congress passed a law prohibiting Indian Reservations from selling cheap, cheaper, some of the cheapest cigarettes in the United States, I would buy four cartons of “SkyDancer” menthol from the Reservation, every month.  Richard and I smoked four hundred cigarettes every month for less than One Hundred & fifty dollars.  Now, to smoke every day, one pack per day, per week, per month costs more than two hundred and eighty dollars per month.   

Powers that Are

Community grocery stores, knowing the plight of  the consumer who smokes, sell loose cigarettes at a discount.  Three loose cigarettes for two dollars.  The smokers are grateful to our grocers for understanding.  Our grocers manage to keep the cost of cigarettes at a minimum, $11.75 per pack.  A Teamo or any Smoke shop will cost the average consumer $15.00 per pack of Marlboro lights or Newport. 

A Political Take

Our government shows  concern for  the health of its citizens.  Even though, the government is giving up over two billion dollars in taxes, it won’t receive from its smoking populace, the government will eventually have a smoke free nation.  Health care costs, cut.  Health issues related to smoking, cut.  Second-hand smoking effects, cut.  Recycling  cost for cigarette packaging, cut.

Win, Win

I can only win if I stop smoking.  I know I will cut down considerably before I actually stop altogether,  It will be great to breath in  fresh again.  I will only ask my fellow smoker not to blow your smoke in my face as I pass by.  You all know who you are.  I cutting down until I stop. 

You can catch my daily, weekly or monthly post:  

Adventures of  a Spirited life or the Adventures of my daily life.  See you there!

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